August 24, 2010: so?

my question to the world today is: does one have to be driven to absolute desperation in order to make the changes that actually mean something?

August 20, 2010: seeking a gentle place

i met a man, a gentle man; the youngest of three boys

and i thought "he's too gentle to live in the big city"

but he's too gentle to live in the country, too

where will such a man live? where is just the right place for him?

August 19, 2010: sittin' in TO

[why did i come to another province only to look at this screen all day?!]

the irony here is that the world bustles but i've never felt quieter than i did this morning.

you saw surrender in my eyes. that was the difference.

August 15, 2010: I won!

last night i was dancing. by myself, with indexes pointed up. bubbles in one hand. uncontrollable yelping. a celebration.

this validation came at the perfect time.

August 4, 2010: main(e), usa

getting your car searched is like someone going through your underwear drawer. you always want just that little bit of time before it happens. not that you would be doing anything with it, necessarily, just mostly giving yourself notice. time to prepare for that invasive hand to hit you.

“sit down over there” he barked at me. i didn’t do it. instead, i stretched and paced and moved my toes a little. i noticed there wasn’t a single gentle thing about that cold harsh room so i started humming softly. a new familiar tune.

then he finally let me through.

August 2, 2010: nose turned

when i turned my nose to the man beside me on the plane today, and thought only of smelling, he had the scent of baby powder. it surprised me. but i think he was a man who liked soft things. he kept looking at my lips when i talked. he told me he ran away from his wife eight years ago which i thought was a strange and funny way to say it. not that a woman can't be intimidating ... or hard ...

now i'm back home in brookfield where there are more dead ants on the floor than things in my fridge. and i'm wondering again "what should i have for dinner?" canned soup again? i can't buy groceries because i leave too soon. and i pray that i won't see any mice-- dead or alive -- before that time as i can tell they are here with me.

July 28, 2010: Back on the Train

Yes, yes, it's been a while since my last post. I've been moving around too much! ha ha The travelling has been slightly insane. In June James and I went to Australia to visit a city on the Northwestern coast called Cairns (we took the Skyrail and Kuranda railway generously donated to us by citizens there!) which was an amazing thing! Cairns in the winter is as beautiful as Nova Scotia in the summer so I can't imagine what summer must be like there! Met so many lovely, generous spirits and we were only there five days! The Cairns Ukulele Festival was one of the best organized events I've ever been to and the set up -- a bunch of old fuel tanks turned into art spaces, if you can believe that -- worked really well. The local lead-up was so successful that it was completely sold out. Met another ukulele cello duo there, too! What are the chances?

But that was weeks ago! Now I'm in Montreal! Last weekend was another summer highlight, the Memoire et Racines festival in Joliette. What a charming place that was! The audience was so generous and attentive and we had the pleasure of being the new kids on the block so our CDs sold out even before we did our main stage show! I was totally floored by that. I have a renewed love for French Canadian music, too. I've been working on my foot tapping! : )

Tuesday night we played at a very cool place in Montreal called Divan Orange. Again, super wonderful audience (they even sang along to Billy Jean!). James and I have had the occasion to cobble along in French, something I'm enjoying. It's such a beautiful language and it's been such a long time since I've really spoken it! So glad to have been a French Immersion kid! Loving how cheap it is to go out here and that there seems to be everything I ever wanted in one city ... we'll see if my credit card holds up ...

À bientôt!

June 21, 2010: Summer is just beginning ...

Happy solstice everyone! I find myself back in Vancouver, B.C. Feels good to be around family and old (by that I mean "longtime") friends again. I'll be here for a week of visiting before James and I head down under to Australia. I've never been there before, but I imagine I'll need to rest up before such a long trip! Just went to a lovely little cafe called Aphrodite's for dinner. It's truly nice to be around so many hippies again!

June 6, 2010: Playing in a Fairtytale Land

Do you want to visit one of the most beautiful places on earth? Come to Italy! More specifically, Bellagio which is in the northern region on a lake called Como. This little town is nestled in the mountains. James and I had the absolute pleasure of playing at a friend's wedding was inVilla del Balbianello only a boat ride away from Bellagio. Look it up on google images. It's not photoshop, it's the real deal!

May 22, 2010: Hopping for Ferries

It was a beautiful day in Halifax today, perfect day for a Hop. So we did! This time it was at Nathan Greene Park outside the ferry terminal. Such fun to see the people and passengers milling about.

Dance on!

May 18, 2010: Clowning around

I took a Denise Fujiwara dance workshop a few weeks ago put on by Live Art in Halifax. It was a marvellous class in which Denise taught us, among many other things, principals of Butoh (Japanese modern dance). Many of the things that I had learned in India in my yoga training were showing up here! Presence of mind, ability to let go of the ego, taking time ... things I had heard before but in a different context and with a different application. Very excited about this connection, to say the least.

So, at this workshop I met a man named John Beale. I shared my excitement with him about the overlapping ideas and he said it was just like the work that he's done in clowning. Well, I don't know how much you know about clowning but I didn't know a thing when he mentioned it (I was always scared of the circus, actually). So I decided to take his Red Nose Clown workshop this past weekend. Such an amazing time! I have performed for many years but I can safely say that I have never had a connection to the audience so direct as the one that John was encouraging us to develop. I play, you watch, I can't see you because it's too dark, you clap if you like it (I try to gauge enthusiasm by volume and length of clapping). That's been my experience. But to get up in front of a group of strangers and be put on the spot to "do something" even if you don't have a clue what that something is, all the while wearing a red nose, it was truly terrifying and liberating.

John was right, though. A good clown listens so closely as to make his own ego disappear. It's about being open to a collaboration with the audience, rather than doing something to them. I can't say I came close to "getting it" but I did laugh a lot and learned some more about myself. A beautiful and unconventional way to develop sensitivity. If you get the chance, and have the nerve, take a class!

Happy times!
Anne

May 1, 2010: Spring, is that you?

Yes, I think it's finally come to Nova Scotia! It's a beautifully glorious day out there today. Makes me wanna dance outside! Hops are becoming a habit of mine these days so I'll be staging some in a neighbourhood near you soon! Time to get out and boogie!

April 26, 2010: Sweet, sweet Ottawa

What a marvel to have travelled back to Ottawa again. I know some people don't dig Ottawa and I can understand that (too clean, maybe?) but I love it there. Such good, good people. It's always a joy to reconnect with them. And good memories. And fantastic restaurants. And I have to say there are some pretty fantastic performance spaces, there, too. It was my first time in the GCTC building and I was wowed! What a great building! The theatre was a dream to play in: just the right size and with very good acoustics. And all modesty aside, I think James and I really put on a good show. It was a sold-out audience and they were "right with us." I could tell they were really giving us their attention and I was floored by the standing ovation at the end!

Thank you, Ottawans! I love you dearly!

April 19, 2010: La, la, la

The performance went well on Saturday night! It was such a privilege to be a part of such a talented bunch! I'll withhold judgement until I have a peek at the video, but I think Susanne and I performed what comes of letting go quite well (it's always a little tough to tell, especially since it had some improv elements in it). I felt like it was a creative and performative step for me personally, if nothing more.

Quite honestly, I was more nervous about singing a couple of my songs! Susanne asked me to provide an interlude between the other two duos on the program so that she could change and take a couple of breaths so I took the opportunity to test out centre stage as a songstress. I loved it! I know I sang some notes out of tune, but I think the right emotion was there! The audience was gentle and supportive -- just what I needed. Some people even said nice things about my songwriting (who would have thunk?)! So, now with gaining confidence, you'll be hearing a lot more from my voice in future. Be forewarned!

Tunefully yours,
Anne

April 16, 2010: Next stop, Creation

Back in beautiful NS again. What's up now? Well, this week I've been working with the talented and wonderful (I don't say these things lightly) dancer/creator Susanne Chui. She is putting together an evening of contemporary works for an April 17th showing. A set of three duets, actually, where she pairs up with me, drummer Doug Cameron, and soprano Janice Jackson; each piece uses the body and musical instruments in unconventional and inventive ways.

My duet with Susanne has brought ArModa to a whole new level for me. We started working together in the fall to present a study of four bodies at the Kinetic Studio show last fall. Then I went away to India and when we came back into the studio, everything felt different. We needed to really dig to find the essence of what it was we were trying to say with this exploration. As my dad would say, "What's it all about Alfie?"

I'm happy to say that I think we've come out on the other side ... Our exploration uses one acoustic cello with both Susanne and I dancing. It follows a loose story of my relationship to the cello, while evoking more general themes of loneliness, control, and identity, among other things. One more sleep!

xo,
A

April 8, 2010: On the Road Again

Today, I find myself in Toronto. I spent a total of two days at home before jumping on the plane again. The beautiful Henna that I had tattoed on my hands and forearms has now turned orange. India is slipping away already ... When talking to a friend about the new-found peace I feel she said "Enjoy it now! Things will go back to normal so quickly!" I plan to hang onto this feeling for a while. Trying not to romanticize.

And I had fruit salad just now! Real fruit! What a luxury!

April 5, 2010: Home, Sweet Home?

Wanna know something funny? I was more culture shocked coming back to Canada than I was arriving in India! Yes, I was ready to leave India, more just for the small things like not being able to brush my teeth with tap water, but I wasn't prepared for how I would feel back in North America. I flew through the JFK airport and was bombarded by opulence. Big screen TVS everywhere, ladies with tall boots and gadgets attached to their ears and lips, so clean. The "old Anne" would have felt extremely guilty for all of this (how can we live in such comfort when the average Indian has such a hard, hard life?!) but trying to assimilate some of what I learned in the course I am trying to accept things as they are. That's karma, theirs and mine. So, instead of guilt, I felt this incredible sense of ridiculousness. That helped me to float along and spend the equivalent of what I would have spent on an entire week of meals in India on a few vegetarian airport snacks. I had to laugh. What more is there to do?

It was nice coming home. Let me tell you, I surely appreciated the quiet, the fresh air, the sleeping-in-my-own-bed kind of sleep. And I was expecting it to be still snowy in Nova Scotia (no, I hadn't checked the weather for fear that I wouldn't want to come home, after all!). I think last year this time there was still snow on the ground so what a pleasant surprise to find the birds chirping away! I did yoga this morning in the privacy of our loft and revelled in all that I learned. I hope that I will continue to let those things bleed into my "normal life."

And on it goes ...

March 29, 2010: Okay, Okay I'm a Beach Bum

After much deliberation, I decided to go back to Goa.   I have  to fly out of here anyways but I was planning on staying an extra day in Udaipur and coming here tomorrow instead.  In truth, Udaipur tired me out.  I got so tired of people wanting me to buy things, of the staring, of the noise and the smell of burning garbage, and the heat.  It was overwhelming for this Canadian girl!  Did I mention that I live in rural Nova Scotia?!  In Udaipur I was staying at a great spot but it was right downtown so the noise was pretty intrusive.  Inside and out!  There was an old man staying on the first floor who was hacking and horking when I went to sleep and that's the very sound that woke me up again the next morning!  That happened both nights so I thought that was a good enough sign that I should hit the road.  Next time I go I think I'll stay across the bridge on the quieter side of town.

Early flight this morning but I was on the beach by dinnertime.  Most of the tourists have gone by now which makes this place even better.  I had an incredible meal on the lake that Udaipur overlooks last night (a tomato based paneer and vegetable dish with gulab jamun for dessert!) so I'm going to see if I can do something similar tonight here in Arambol. I haven't felt hungry for three days so I will be so happy when my appetite comes back. Now I'm just eating for the taste value, which is okay too!

Bon appetit!

March 28, 2010: Golden and Beautiful

So here I am in Udaipur.  I've been told that Rajasthan is a cultural centre of India and I would have to agree.  I am now poised to explore it, coming back from my first bout of sickness two days ago.  The Ganges got its revenge (I think I got sick from the mouthful of water I took in when I cliff jumped ... ) so my night in Delhi was spent sleeping illegally (I snuck in with some friends) in an air-conditioned hotel room.  Fun times.

So I arrived yesterday here and have been getting my feet back on the ground.  Had my first real meal today in two days.   Delicious lemon, ginger and honey tea, a veggie omelet, and a bowl of banana and yogurt (it's one of the only safe fruits to eat, so I relished the freshness of it!).  Seems to be sitting okay so far ...

Udaipur is a lovely little place.  I'm staying in this hilariously kitchy room that has a bed with a lion print on it that says "King of Forest" and peacock feathers in a vase at the head of the bed.  It has a nice little adjacent room that's perfect (though slightly small) to do some yoga in.  The coloured windows face a white brick wall so I keep them shut.  I'm staying right in town so things are a bit noisy anyways.

Yesterday I checked out a Hindi temple and tried to get my head around the mythology.  Millions of gods, I don't know how people keep track of them all!  This temple was dedicated to Lord Vishnu who is, from what I could extract from the info that the guide gave me, the protector.  The detail of the carvings was mind boggling.  I'm not going to get to the Taj this time so it was nice to take in something of a similar flavour.  Another highlight yesterday was watching the sunset at Sunset Point.  Yes, it's called so for a reason.  Golden to start, then a beautiful peach, then greyish mauve.  Stunning.  I tried to take pictures, knowing that they never capture things like that.

Tonight I hope to see it again and then treat myself to dinner at the famous palace here.  It'll be a bit of a splurge but I think it'll be worth it!

Love to you. 

March 25, 2010

So I've made my way up north to Rishikesh.  That was a hilarious feat in itself.  I've never felt like such a freak before!  Everyone who I met eyes with looked back at me with such curiosity.  So much fun! I guess they don't see many white people.  And in fact I didn't see a single one besides my travelling partner on the 8 hour drive!  And Indian roads have so many things on them!  So it takes forever to get anywhere but that was hilarious in itself.  8 hours to travel 250 kms.  There are animals (cows mostly), tractors, big trucks, motorbikes, tuk tuks, rickshaws, horse and carriage ... all on the same road!  And they are all constantly honking their horns with enthusiasm. A symphony of horns!  I had to laugh ...

Rishikesh is a wonderfully spiritual place which is even more so these days due to the Kumbh Mela in Haridwar just down the road.  I have enjoyed practising yoga in such different surroundings and I love my first taste of the Himalayas!  I stumbled across a fantastic ashram where the guru lives in Toronto for half the year!  Who would have thought?!  I may try and take some classes with him when I'm in the Toronto area next.  Wouldn't that be funny!  And for anyone who doesn't believe that it's a small world, in the ashram I met a girl who went to my high school (the grade below me) and another woman who works with my cousin!  Seriously!

This morning I took a rafting trip along the famous Ganges River.  It was so special.  My first rafting trip ever.  I was surprised when the guides told us to hop out of the boat (I thought you were supposed to avoid the water ... )!  But I floated along blissfully.  Pure magic.

March 14, 2010

The days continue to fly past. I have the day off today and it's been lovely.  I know I haven't written too much about the course, but it's so hard to explain!  I have been doing yoga training, yes, but so much learning about myself along the way.  This training focusses on Jnana Yoga which is the yoga of the mind and we've been really digging into the depths of that.  Ideals of unity and peace of mind are always in question.  I'm looking forward to seeing how these ideas will manifest themselves in my art and teaching.

Warning: those with weak stomachs, don't read any further!

Probably the craziest thing I did last week was this form of cleansing where I had to learn how to throw up voluntarily.  I've thrown up involuntarily many times, but voluntarily?!  Sounded kind of crazy to me.  In fact I remember reading about the practise when I first got into yoga and thinking "That's nuts!" But I've been trying everything here, just for the experience.  So why not this, too?  We had a guru show us how to do it properly (yes, there is a technique to it).  It was quite a sight (and sound!) seeing twelve people throwing up in the field at the same time!  Onlookers had quite the chuckle.

But the neat thing is that I loved it.  It was maybe one of the most emotionally and psychologically freeing things I've ever done.   Not that I'd recommend it to everyone, but something that you might wanna try sometime!

Continuing to get hotter and sticker by the day.  Things are a little overcast in Mandrem today but I still find myself sweating a lot!  Off to do some personal practice.

Peace,
A

March 7, 2010

Things that just don't work as well in Indian humidity:
toilet paper
tight pants
leaving the cover on your razor

Love to you!

March 3, 2010

Ha!  It shows the state of timelessness I'm in, when I have to look at this computer clock to know what day it is.  All I know is that it's a Wednesday and I have the afternoon off.  Things here have been getting hotter and stickier by the day and that's affecting my energy levels.  I can't even fathom that there is still snow on the ground where I live!

The other night we had a bonfire on the beach in celebration of Holi (a national holiday here).  It was beautiful.  There was a Norwegian man, Bjern, who taught us some chants.  We were transported (though I have to admit that I had a heck of a time trying to learn the Sanskrit by ear!).  I was so joyful to have music in my life again, even for a brief evening.  It still is the best way to bring people together.  Not that I'm biased!

Until the next!

February 28, 2010: One Week Already?!

Yep, officially one week since my training started.  Lots of good info and developments in the course.  I am keeping very happy here.

Can I tell you about the ocean?  White sandy beaches.  Palm trees.  Dunes.  It's all so private.  And there are real waves here!  Unlike Crescent Beach!  I try and go swimming every day so that I can feel the pounding of the waves.  Completely relentless and very inspiring.

I think I'll head to the crazy market just now.  Arambol.  The sales people are aggressive there, especially when they see my white skin walk past.  I'm trying to get a bit of a tan so it's not quite so obvious! : ) This market is hardly busy or aggressive at all, compared to "real" India.  Or so, I've been told.  I guess I won't experience it until I leave the ashram.

For now, I live in very peaceful days ...

Namaste. 

February 24, 2010: Not so Silent Sounds

So the (yoga teacher) training has started and it's appropriately intense.  Let's just say that I won't be getting to this blog as often as I would like!  But I can certainly tell all my stories when I come home again!

Can I tell you about the sounds?  I am realizing that I am really missing music.  My cello, yes, but music moreso.  There hasn't been hardly any music here (the opposite, actually, as a good amount of silence is part of our training!).  So you can imagine that my ears have been craving something.  And that hasn't been hard to find!  There's a symphony here!

I wake every morning to church bells (which apparently ring here starting at 6:30am which ordinarily would be obscenely early but it means that I get to my seven o'clock meditation right on time!).   And that's after a whole night of activity.  The sound of the sea is a given.  The underlying bass line of this whole thing.  And then there is the percussion section of bugs that sound like sporadic egg shakers.  The melodic instruments, of course, are the birds.  There's one that sounds like dropping water.  There's one that just sings an ascending perfect fourth over and over and over ...  One sounds like a baby who's crying (or maybe that's the cat?).  I heard one the other day that sounded like my least favourite part of a hockey game "Fight! Fight! Fight!"  Amazing the reference points one has, eh (people have been bugging me about saying that, too)? One sounded like a hyena.  Which is not to be confused with the actual monkeys which I hear often but have only seen one once.  So cute!  And dogs.  Lots of barking dogs that all get each other excited.  Who knows what is so exciting at 4 in the morning?  I haven't bothered to get up and find out.

I would say that I'm finally starting to feel settled.  I've traded a foot of snow for warm, humid temperatures and an incredible beach.  Sounds like it wouldn't be hard to adjust, but it has, admittedly, taken me a few days.

Oh, and the food here is amazing.  If I thought I would lose weight on this trip, that was delusional.  But I'm okay with that!  : )

Be well, friends.

February 20, 2010: Popping the Personal Bubble

I'm actually here.  Mandrem Beach, India.  Pinching myself profusely.  It was a long trip, I won't lie.  Got caught in the JFK airport in front of an old Indian lady who apparently didn't think I was moving quite fast enough (there was a woman with a roller suitcase right in front of me!  I couldn't physically go faster!)  so she started pushing on my back.  First a gentle touch that maybe could have been accidental.  Then it turned really forceful and at one point she even linked my arm and tried to move me along.  Couldn't believe it!  I let her budge in front of me.

I arrived at the Goa airport after just having read the Lonely Planet section that said that women shouldn't get in taxis alone after dark.  Guess what the first thing I had to do was?!  I lucked out with a sweet, young thing called Amit.  He was holding a card with my name on it and everything!  We talked the whole way (an hour of winding here and there, I wasn't sure I was ever going to make it!) and he showed me the sights which I could barely see in the dark of the early morning.

Finally I arrived, got my own little hut.  Funny how quickly it's become home.  The food here has been incredible, too!  Yay!

Did my first barter deal yesterday at the closest village: sunglasses for $4.  Dad would be proud!

Off to take my first yoga class and training starts tomorrow ...

February 16, 2010: One more sleep!

Packing, running, buzzing, fussing ... so busy and the whirlwind hasn't even really begun yet.  I leave for India tomorrow.  Even writing it seems surreal.  Already?!
I feel on the edge of something powerful, life changing, but I have no idea how! 
All a bit daunting.  Yeah, I acknowledge the fear within me, that comes from going to places unknown, especially those that are painted (by me and others) with an exotic danger.  And when my fear dissipates for a moment or two, I'm so excited it makes me dizzy.
But today is "taking care of bits" day.  One foot ... then the other foot ...